Cherchez Le Femme

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The Russians love to use the French phrase "Cherchez Le Femme" made popular by Hugo, which implies that most trouble directly or indirectly is caused by women. Their ladies too use it with equal fervour, because beyond the facade of female solidarity they actually all hate each other. 

In my case, these words should  be embossed on the walls, mirrors and my coffee mugs. 

As  most of the women I had met as an adult in my last 28 years, collectively inspire me to write a Punk Rock version of the Rod Stewart classic - "Some Guys have all the Luck." 

Only my punk anthem would start with "Some Dudes get Blow jobs, others get to deal with whack jobs, no prizes for guessing where I belong..."

Misogynism, a case of sour grapes? Trapped by unwanted pregnancy and bamboozled by child support payments? Did ex-wife grab it all? False rape accusations…

Nooo... Sirs!! it's far more insidious!!

I could of course go on for hours ranting about a recurring theme with women in my life : "I rejected you earlier to sleep/hookup/marry someone else, now please feel sorry for me." Some turned up the next morning, others after 10 or even 20 years. 

Not my cupboard nor my skeletons... I was just opening the front door. So why me...??!!

A more benign but no less infuriating episode took place when I first relocated to Delhi. My friends, a couple introduced me to one of their friends, a runty little female with a large pumpkinesque head and beady eyes, but who seemed intelligent, was quite friendly and witty. A few drinks here and there, a walk in a mall, and all of us ended up at her place.

At some point, she called me aside asking my help to replace a light bulb in her bathroom which had burned out. The new one also instantly burned out. She gave me a damsel in distress act (I didn't know that it was her forte at that point), about having to leave for work early, coming back late, the electricians being uncouth chaps, her living alone and so on.

Tipsy and gallant, I offered to help her out if she couldn't find anyone to check the wiring.  

I did call her once after a day asking if she managed to get it fixed only because I promised her to do so; a max 30 secs call in which much to my relief she told me not to worry. 

Next, I knew, my friend's wife was bitching to him how I am harassing (sexually of course) the poor woman under the pretext of helping her out with the light, and they ended up having a big fight, while frankly, I was a bit shell shocked by the allegation. 

Later,  my friend claimed that he exacted revenge on my behalf by uploading a photo of her sitting on someone's lap during a party on Facebook for her husband who lived in another town to see...

As for his wife…well let's just say we stopped being friends...





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